


Accidents Happen

by kingfisherBlues



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Sburb Session, And everyone lives in the same town., Dave Strider is wildly innapropriate., F/F, Somebody should pop him one., There are a lot of Pesterlogs in this., Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-05-30
Updated: 2013-05-30
Packaged: 2017-12-13 09:30:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/822752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kingfisherBlues/pseuds/kingfisherBlues
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Wherein two young women have a lifelong friendship that occasionally involves making out, but proceeding beyond that point is met with unexpected obstacles.</p>
<p>Said obstacles include indiscreet hiding places, three separate hospital visits, a new-found knowledge of flammable household objects, a very silly narrative device, and a distinct inability to overcome simple nerves.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Accidents Happen

**Author's Note:**

> This work will earn its mature rating, but rest assured, this work is very immature besides.
> 
> And yes. I'm still very fond of Pesterlogs.

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] \--  
TG: it cant be true  
TT: Hello, Dave. I'm very pleased to see you as well.  
TT: It's been so long since we last spoke. How are the kids?  
TG: incorrigible as fuck but im keeping them in line because ive got more important stuff to discuss  
TG: like the conversation i just had with jade  
TT: This is a business visit, I see. How very serious.  
TG: do you know what she told me  
TT: Whatever it was, it seems to have robbed you of your sense of humor.  
TG: the vaults are empty so dont even try  
TG: she told me  
TG: you guys havent even made it past second base yet  
TT: Is there an issue with this claim?  
TG: okay back up that train of thought and bring it back to the depot because there is something seriously wrong with the tires and we cant let people on it like this  
TG: that is a goddamn safety hazard and thousands will die in the ensuing crash if we cant get this locomotive back up to code  
TG: the treads are all falling out and i think an axle might be broken somewhere and the conductor is just plain drunk but really who can blame him  
TG: hes been having some troubles at home and his train is falling apart and his life is just a mess all around because what  
TG: are you serious right now  
TG: the lives of thousands are at stake rose  
TG: that thought train is about to derail  
TT: I should interject now before you go on any further, but as I am still unsure what you are asking of me, I cannot answer your question.  
TT: Nonetheless, I admire that it is couched in a metaphor so obtuse that I don't even have the heart to make a wry comment regarding your deplorable knowledge of trains.  
TG: i know enough to know youve got to be bullshitting me right now  
TT: I'm really not.  
TG: cmon rose  
TG: are you telling me  
TG: you have been dating that girl since forever  
TG: and you havent even felt her up yet  
TT: We've been an official 'item' for precisely five months.  
TG: exactly its been five whole months  
TG: ive made out with people i met five minutes ago  
TT: Should I take that as an invitation to discuss your compulsory bids for the attention of strangers?  
TG: what no  
TG: holy shit woman that is so not the point  
TT: Then what is the point?  
TT: That I'm not moving fast enough for your impatient sensibilities?  
TT: While I do support your various romantic endeavors, this projection onto my own is starting to get tiresome.  
TG: are you slut shaming me  
TT: No.  
TT: I would never begrudge you your dalliances.  
TT: Just as you would never begrudge me mine.  
TG: hell yeah we got each others backs  
TG: people try to keep us down and well seduce their wives and then them because hey its a party and everybodys invited  
TG: but i guess thats why im still confused  
TG: how can you not have done the horizontal tango with her yet  
TG: i mean have you seen her  
TT: Yes, Dave. I have seen my girlfriend before.  
TT: In fact, one may be so bold as to suggest her visage is quite familiar to me.  
TG: yeah so shes hotter than a volcanic explosion and shes all over you 24/7 because i know you guys have your sapphic sleepovers all the time and john said shes like a goddamn vice in her sleep  
TG: he passes out at the merest suggestion of impropriety and even HE knows that  
TG: and you aint even tried to salsa with her  
TG: not even a little two step  
TG: or even a waltz just to ease you into it  
TG: its not like you dont have dancing shoes so whats the hold up  
TT: Where do I even start with this?  
TT: So many interesting tidbits of information just littering the forest floor and leading to a dreadful demise.  
TT: But in this instance, perhaps it would be best to address the most pertinent.  
TT: How is our sex life any of your goddamn business?  
TG: you dont have a sex life  
TT: Neither do you.  
TG: i dont have a girlfriend that can pick me up and ram me up against the wall with her crazy amazon strength  
TT: Holy shit, Dave.  
TT: I did not need to read that right now.  
TG: dont act like you havent thought about it  
TT: I wasn't going to, since you seem to have given the idea an equal amount of thought.  
TG: hahaha are you kidding  
TG: who hasnt  
TT: Watch yourself, dear brother.  
TT: You are wandering into dangerous territory.  
TG: whoa whoa calm down its not like that  
TG: im not about to try and swoop her out from not-under you  
TG: thats just rude  
TG: what kind of friend do you take me for  
TT: I wasn't warning you against me.  
TG: what  
TT: What.  
TG: what was that thing you just said  
TT: I'll give you a recap:  
TT: Still none of your business.  
TT: If this business were a booming little corner shop that children flocked to in the summer with their pockets full of jingling allowance from their happy little nuclear families,  
TT: You would be the local that is legally detained from approaching any large group of children within a hundred feet.  
TT: In short. This business?  
TT: Absolutely none of yours.  
TG: dont act all pissy with me woman  
TG: im just looking out for your welfare here and youre not giving me a lot to work with  
TG: thats what brothers do  
TG: they help their neurotic little sisters get laid  
TT: While I admire your altruism, I fail to see how opining on the raging hotness attribute of my girlfriend is in any way going to help me get 'laid'.  
TG: dude  
TG: its jade  
TG: you cant not opine on her hotness attribute it simply isnt done  
TT: Again, your motives remain murky and ridden with clogging river debris.  
TG: again its not like that  
TT: Really.  
TT: Then what is it like, dear brother?  
TG: jesus you have got to stop doing that it makes shit way creepier than it needs to be  
TG: i get it we are half siblings because of our stupid crazy family shenanigans but im also your friend so i have to tell you straight up  
TG: its pretty much a fact that jade is crazy hot and all of us would jump at the chance to be the jane to her tarzan okay  
TT: I doubt John would think as much.  
TG: the dude is a spaz but he knows whats up  
TG: weve both made out with him so its pretty much like hes made out with jade by association and hes down with that  
TG: because again  
TG: jade  
TG: crazy hot  
TG: so why havent you guys parked a car yet  
TT: This is getting tiresome.  
TT: Our metaphorical bed does not need a third party as of yet, so I recommend you keep your ass out of it unless you want it beat.  
TG: she can beat my ass any day im down with that  
TT: Jesus christ, Dave. Really?  
TG: yes really what part of this are you not getting  
TG: youre not exactly shy and she barely knows the meaning of the word so what is the hold up  
TG: all you have to do swoon in her general direction and shell catch you with her survivor prowess  
TG: tonight on your date thing all you have to do is just be all  
TG: yes oh my god throw me over your shoulder and swing through the jungle so we can have sex on a bed of flowers and the pelts of beasts you strangled to death with your bare hands  
TG: just leave me be to swoon a little bit first but ill be revived by your muscles and your charming as hell grin as you explain something about science  
TG: lets be real i wont be listening to that part so much because goddamn jade you cant just throw a dude down on a bed of flowers and be all over him and just expect to talk about fucking supercolliders or whatever the hell  
TG: yes science is amazing please rip my clothes off immediately and we can discuss all the fucking science you want  
TG: just go right through the seams i dont even need them anymore because once you go jungle you aint one to grumble  
TG: welcome to the jungle and dont be scared because this is jade harley genius amazon sharpshooter extraordinaire and shes going to be your sexy as hell guide this evening  
TG: she will show you how to climb trees and then you can climb her like a tree dont even worry about it  
TG: she wont even break stride because she is just that level of badass bodaciousness  
TG: rose  
TG: are you pissed because im writing erotic friendfiction about your girlfriend  
TG: i can put you in there instead  
TG: get a little bodice ripper action going on  
TG: we can make some OCs and have them make out or something  
TG: just to be even stevens  
TG: rose  
TG: im sorry your girlfriend is really hot

**== >**

What an unpleasant conversation. 

You do love the boy, but he does try your patience at times. 

Against your will, you begin to think upon the source of his meandering, if well-meaning, concerns. 

**== > Recollect.**

She first kissed you in ninth grade. 

You remember that day distinctly, as it was the sort of bright and sunny day that sticks in the memory with all the fondness of nostalgia, but you cannot properly recollect that day, as we don't even know who you are yet! 

**== > Introduce self.**

Your name is ROSE LALONDE and she first kissed you in ninth grade. 

It's something that you remember often, as you have been dating JADE HARLEY for approximately five months, but the two of you have been very good friends for some time. She has also kissed your brother DAVE STRIDER -- whom you have just finished speaking with, in a very calm and reasonable manner, thank you very much -- and she's kissed quite a few people besides. Jade is the sort of person that loves very enthusiastically. She's also kissed statues, various adorable pets, and has been kicked out of a few museums in an effort to climb her favorite artistic features and lay claim through physical conquest. 

But she kissed you first, in ninth grade, and it's something you are not likely to forget any time soon. 

It was right after you had fallen out of a tree. 

Although you did not know at the time, it was also the beginning of a long string of romantic motifs that would make your writer's heart swell with humor at its ineptness, if you weren't so busy cringing with embarrassment in the first place. 

**== > Rose: Relive that day.**

Logically, you knew that you did not climb any higher than eight feet, but your body asserted that it was much higher than that and you should be ashamed by your hubris. You had flown close to the sun and you had been spurned. You laid desolate. You were broken. You would never fly again. 

Jade Harley dropped out of the tree of your demise with more grace than could be imagined possible, or at least, as could be imagined by your aching, disbelieving self. She hurried to your side with concern, but her teeth caught on her bottom lip as she tried not to laugh. 

"Are you okay?" she had asked. 

"I can't quite tell yet," you had answered honestly. You weren't even sure how you landed, only that you did, and that you were lying on your back and staring up at the swaying canopy of the horrible tree. She had bent over you, head haloed by the afternoon sun, and grinned with the brilliance that got you into the tree in the first place. 

Jade was a very attentive friend. She had poked and prodded until you assured her that yes, you were still intact, and no, nothing important was broken. Just your pride. 

"If it makes you feel any better, that was a pretty good fall. You're more graceful than John, I can tell you that much," she had confided with a grin, and you laughed so hard that your back protested anew. 

Jade smiled, readjusted her glasses on her nose, and leaned forward to kiss you squarely. 

"I'm sorry you fell out of the tree," she said with frank sincerity. At the time, you could not answer. You had just shrugged and took her proffered hand. She pulled you to your feet and the two of you went inside to eat cookies and complete homework. 

**== > Rose: Stop reliving that day.**

You sit alone in your bedroom, four years later and still no closer to the more intimate aspects of romantic relationships than you were to ever attempting to climb a tree again. Your laptop sits open on the desk in front of you, displaying a distressing amount of red text as your friend tries to get your attention again. 

You'll let him stew in his own tactlessness for a little bit longer. He really should learn that sarcastic cliches do not make a good story. Though that does not stop you from watching his spiraling descent into conversational madness. 

Oh, dear. He's starting to bring out badly formed puns and -- is that a Prohibition joke? 

You're nearly embarrassed for him. You decide to move on. 

Which, in this instance, means you begin to recollect every failed attempt at romance you've experienced since the first. 

  
  
**== > Several years in the past... but not many...**

An esoteric and amusing narrative device focuses on a young woman in the throes of a casual hook-up, as she is told these things are called. 

It hardly seems casual, as the other participant is a very good friend, but she has more important things to attend to than the semantics of interpersonal relationships. 

Her companion is an unsurprisingly good kisser. 

There's really only one thing to do in this situation. 

**== > Rose: Be a mature and responsible young adult.**

You have never stopped being a mature and responsible young adult, so you will continue to do so, even if being a mature and responsible adult means having a silent panic attack as you make out with your best friend in your other best friend's closet. 

You take a moment to contemplate that you have three best friends and it gets rather confusing to refer to them at times. But Jade takes the same moment to warm her hands on your stomach and you forget your thought process entirely. 

"Hah, wow, you're really warm!" she laughs against your cheek, and you squirm against the closet wall, chewing on your lips in nervousness. The door is firmly closed, allowing but the merest slivers of light inside, but you can still hear music from the birthday party downstairs. It's John Egbert's sixteenth birthday and -- in a show of support -- you arrived an hour ago with presents and disappeared five minutes ago into his bedroom closet with his cousin. 

His cousin, who is also one of your tight-knit group and your long-time crush, and who is currently doing her best to tickle you into laughing. 

"J-Jade, stop it, I'm not ticklish," you stutter, biting your knuckle to prevent any loud laughter from giving away your current position. 

"Oh, really, then what's all this giggling you're doing?" she teases. She pulls your hand away so that she can kiss you, which you like, but she also ghosts her fingertips along your sides, which you do not like as much. 

In an effort not to laugh and be discovered, you thrash particularly hard and knock down what feels like the entirety of the house, but in hindsight was merely the shelf and clothes-rack of John's closet. While you and Jade untangle yourself from the mess and escape the hazardous confines, John himself bursts into the room with his father close on his heels. 

"Holy sh-- oh, man, what happened?" he exclaims. Mr. Egbert takes one look at you, Jade, and at the spilled contents of his son's wardrobe, and coughs politely into his fist. 

"It seems that we need to invest in more durable hardware," Mr. Egbert says blandly. He holds out a hand to Jade and helps her stand. John attends to you, which you accept coolly. Perhaps if you act aloof, your face will believe it and stop burning with such heat. 

From Jade's giggling, you gather that your genius ploy has failed to work. 

**== >**

GG: im serious, hes not mad!!!  
GG: he actually thought it was kind of funny  
TT: He thinks we were playing Hide 'N Seek.  
GG: maybe we were!!  
GG: ;) ;) ;) ;) ;)  
TT: Ms. Harley. What a completely unexpected amount of winking faces.  
TT: Are you suggesting something?  
GG: only that we should do that again!  
GG: it was really fun, at least until you pulled down the clothes rack  
GG: :/ that part was not as fun  
TT: No kidding.  
GG: hehehehe!!!!  
TT: I should reiterate.  
TT: No kidding?  
GG: none at all!  
GG: you make very nice sounds when we kiss  
GG: um.... rose?  
GG: theres no need to be embarrassed!  
GG: as a scientist, its my duty to remain true to the facts  
GG: fact number one!!! you make very nice sounds when we kiss!!!!  
TT: I'm not embarrassed.  
TT: Merely surprised.  
GG: hehe! okay, goose <3  
GG: hey did you finish your english assignment?  


**== >**

It takes three months, but finally, in the heat of summer, you are once again to be alone with Jade and there is nothing to keep you from her except your own nerves. 

For her part, she's ecstatic. Her grandfather has once again gone traveling, and while Jade is old enough that she can take care of herself, she has elected to stay at your house for the week. You are not one to protest this turn of events. You are just sixteen, after all, and Jade is crazy hot, to quote one of your closest friends. When she starts talking about one of her current machinations, it's all you can do to keep your seat. You have no idea how to properly contain a uranium-based power cell or why that's even important, but when she's talking about it, you have all the time in the world to listen. 

She's also unopposed to occasional kisses and romantic overtures, but since a certain birthday party and a certain destroyed bedroom fixture, you have been too nervous to pursue that course of action. 

But it's summer, and she's staying at your home for the week. This is your chance and you will take it. 

Your mother agreed to the scheme with glee, which you would usually regard with suspicion, but you have too much to prepare for to pay it much mind. You spend the day before Jade's visit cleaning your room -- you kick a lot of things under your bed, but at least you make it -- and going through the house until you find an old mattress and make up a second bed on the floor. Privately, you hope that she won't want to use it, but you make it anyway. 

The day Jade arrives, you are very distant and polite as you greet her. 

She throws her arms around your neck and doesn't let go until you hug her back. 

**== > Rose: Have a Kickass Slumber Party Extravaganza!!!**

Though Jade's chosen title seems a little silly, you don't begrudge it, because you are having a Kickass Slumber Party Extravaganza. Jade is an enthusiastic guest; the two of you cook imaginative meals, play video games, invite your friends Dave and John and kick their asses at video games, and even run around in the woods behind your house in a fit of nostalgia. 

In short, you're having a blast. It's only a shame you haven't had the courage to do more than hold Jade's hand as of yet. 

She even gets along well with your mother, who takes you aside at one point and whispers, "She's a real peach, isn't she?" 

She punctuates the comment with a broad wink. You elect to keep a slight smile. 

"One could say as much," you say delicately. Your mother finds the comment funny, for some reason known only to her, and laughs wildly. 

She then proceeds to commandeer Jade for the rest of the evening as they practice target-shooting in the backyard. 

You should have known better than to mention Jade's affinity for sharpshooting. 

**== > Rose: Make the last night special.**

Jade's grandfather is due back the next night, making this your last in her company before she has to return to her own home. Your mother has disappeared after a show of affection and assurance that you wouldn't burn the house down in her absence, and now, you are completely and utterly alone. 

Alone with Jade. 

You're so nervous that you could puke. 

Instead, you propose a drinking game. 

**== > Rose: Reflect on how this is so not a bad idea.**

It really isn't. You know quite a few drinking games -- most of which have to do with watching some terrible movie and drinking at the most prudent moments -- and Jade is curious enough about the process that she agrees. The two of you set about mixing margaritas in regular glasses and giggle over your shared delinquency, the sun long set and sleep a ways off. 

"Do you think we should invite the boys?" she asks at one point, sniffing curiously at the pitcher of prepared drink. 

"Do you?" you ask in turn. She laughs, bumps your shoulder with her own, and doesn't mention it again. 

You have yet to take a single sip, but you're already feeling bolder. You let your fingers skim of her arms and tease the tips of her hair as the two of you take your drinks up to the bedroom. She chooses the movie -- Space Jam, which gives you pause, but you will watch it -- and streams it on the laptop as you settle on the bed, cup in hand. 

Jade leans against the wall and you lean against her. She presses her cheek against the top of your head and the movie starts. 

Within the first five minutes, both of you have drained your glasses. 

**== > Rose: This was a really good idea.**

It really was. Jade sings along with the movie and you sing along with her; you gasp and feign delight at the right moments, laughing at her own dramatic reactions, and you drink. 

You're drinking quite a bit, actually. 

It seems that the entire pitcher is gone. 

"Then I guess you better get some more," Jade pipes up from her cocoon of blankets. You hadn't realized you'd spoken out loud. You shake your head. 

"Mmm, pro'lly shouldn't," you state firmly. It comes out a bit more slurred than you like. "The movie's gone. I mean, over. It's over. Why are you doing that? Isn't it hot?" 

Jade wriggles around a little bit, flexing like a floundered fish, and you find the image so funny that you have never stopped laughing. She's laughing too, which you think is amazing, because her laugh is amazing, she's amazing, and you want her to know that. 

You lean over and kiss her upside-down. Jade pulls herself free of the blankets and kisses you back, making little sounds of happiness in the back of her throat. 

"We really should do this more often," she giggles the instant you come up for air. 

"Oh, my god, yes," you exclaim, shifting so that you can kiss her better, and promptly fall off the bed. 

**== > Rose: Reflect.**

You reflect that next time, you should use plastic glasses, as they are less likely to shatter. At the least, if they do, they will not shatter into a million pieces and lodge themselves firmly in hand after you've taken an unfortunate tumble off a bed. 

Yes. You should definitely remember that next time. 

If there is a next time. 

Jade did not drink as much as you had, so she responded better than you did. She managed to get nearly all the glass shards out of your hands by the time your mother came home. After a bit of yelling -- and a few stitches at the hospital -- you spend the next day reflecting alone in your bedroom and avoiding all contact. 

You are not sulking. You are reflecting. 

There is a very distinct difference. 

**== >**

GG: really???? that long??  
TT: Yes.  
TT: But, given that my little crisis interrupted her date with Mr. Egbert, the time will probably be shortened to a few weeks once she's calmed down.  
TT: If the punishment is maintained at all.  
TT: I've never been grounded before. I do believe it's a novelty for both of us.  
GG: still though...  
GG: that sucks!!  
GG: grandpa just sat me down and talked about responsibility :/  
TT: I would have to agree with his choice of action.  
TT: Jade, I'm sorry.  
TT: I did not intend for our time together to end that way.  
GG: hey! it was really fun!!  
TT: Really?  
GG: yes!  
GG: even the drinking and movie part!!!  
GG: especially that part, actually, hehehe  
TT: Dare I ask the meaning behind your giggle?  
TT: I wouldn't imagine that the drinking and subsequent hospital visit would be particularly amusing to you.  
GG: well, no, that wasnt fun  
GG: but YOU kissed ME first for once!!  
GG: i like it when you get all bold on me <3333  
GG: and i was waiting the whole week for you to kiss me  
GG: only a shame it had to end when it did!! :(  
GG: rose, did you leave?  
TT: No.  
TT: It's just a bit difficult to type with bandaged fingers.  
GG: oh, duhhhhh, of course!  
GG: sorry i forgot  
GG: OH!! have you registered for junior classes yet?  


  
**== > Several months in the future... but not too many...**

Jade asks you to be her girlfriend at the end of junior year. You agree instantly, although you cannot but help inquiring as to why she's asking now. 

The look she gives you is equal parts puzzlement and glee. 

"Would you have said yes before?" she asks. 

You want to answer in the affirmative, but you think about falling out of a tree, breaking a closet, imbedding shards of glass in your hands, and the pretty girl that kissed you anyway. 

"That's what I thought," she says in answer to your silence, and bends you backwards in a kiss that leaves you more than a little disoriented. 

Your first proper date isn't until later in the year. 

**== > Rose: Recollect your first proper date.**

You'd rather not. That time, you were the one to take Jade to the hospital. 

She didn't have an arm cast for long, but the memory is still sore for the both of you. 

**== > Rose: Then what about the next one?**

Jade did not know that oven mitts were flammable. 

They are very flammable. 

**== > Rose: Oh, dear...**

Yes. 

And you have another date tonight, five months into your relationship, and you are no closer to getting passed kissing than you are to publishing a novel. 

At this point, you're a little frightened to try. 

Every attempt seems to end in something breaking. 

**== >**

\-- tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] \--  
TT: Hello, John.  
EB: oh! hi! i wasn't expecting to hear from you tonight!  
EB: aren't you out on a date with jade?  
TT: Yes, I am.  
EB: oh, man, it's about time.  
EB: i had a bet with dave that the car might catch on fire on the way to her house.  
EB: hehe. or she'd be trying to do that dumb parkour stuff again.  
EB: to be fair! it was pretty awesome.  
EB: but it was also dumb.  
EB: but her cast was awesome.  
EB: it all balances out eventually.  
TT: I'm glad to see you've taken such a positive attitude in the face of calamity.  
TT: It speaks to a healthier mindset than one would initially be lead to believe.  
EB: pfffffft! yeah, okay.  
EB: wait, are you messaging me in the middle of dinner?!  
EB: rose!! that's incredibly rude!!  
TT: Though your hypocrisy in regards to mealtime pesterings is calling my name, I must disregard it.  
TT: We haven't had dinner yet, no.  
TT: As soon as she's found her shoes, we're supposed to leave.  
TT: I hope we leave.  
EB: :(  
EB: is it really going that badly?  
TT: Well. No.  
TT: It's actually going really, really well.  
TT: I've been here an hour and nothing catastrophic has happened yet.  
EB: holy shit.  
TT: I know.  
EB: i'm scared for you!  
TT: I thank you for the sentiment.  
EB: hehe, you're welcome.  
EB: but that can't be the only reason you messaged me.  
TT: Jade is currently occupied elsewhere.  
TT: I am left to my own devices in the living room, and so far, nothing within its glorified confines has yet to make a mockery of the name.  
EB: haha, what?  
TT: Nothing has died yet.  
EB: that's good. that's a good thing, even though you're acting all melodramatic again.  
EB: i don't know why you guys are always being so dopey about stuff.  
EB: it's just dating. they don't always end in catastrophes.  
TT: What's that I hear upon the breeze?  
TT: Is it a chill and bitter sigh, tinged with the memory of a certain young Egbert calling me at three in the morning because he couldn't find the shirt he wanted to wear to a much lauded date?  
TT: I seem to recall that the catastrophe rivaled that of deciding between brown shoes and black.  
EB: I WAS FIFTEEN.  
TT: Yes. I'm glad that you remember.  
EB: I WAS JUST A KID.  
TT: It's important to get these sort of things off your chest.  
EB: well, i ALSO remember catching you making fake mustaches with eyeliner!!  
TT: I fail to see the relevance.  
EB: the relevance is that you need to calm down!  
EB: you two are going to be fine!  
EB: i already told jade not to try to jump off of anything.  
EB: or cook dinner. or make anything explode. or do any of the usual stuff she does when she wants to impress someone!  
EB: she likes you a lot, and she wants to make this special, but it doesn't have to be a big deal.  
EB: now stop talking to me and go chill out with your girlfriend and have a nice time.  
TT: I knew there was a reason I spoke to you first.  
TT: That was reassuring. Thank you.  
EB: hehe. no problem!  
EB: also, you're not allowed to make fun of anything i did before the age of seventeen.  
TT: No promises.  
TT: But I will try.  
EB: thanks!  
EB: in turn, i won't make fun of your goofiness either.  
TT: I must protest. I am not goofy.  
EB: uh, yeah, you kind of are.  
TT: You offend me, good sir.  
TT: I must demand you refrain from your outrageous claims forthwith.  
EB: hehe, see that? that's goofy.  
EB: you big ol' ball of goofi-tude.  
EB: that's goofiness and attitude all smooshed together.  
EB: just like you!  
TT: John.  
EB: oh, shush!  
EB: go have a good date!  
TT: Fine.  
TT: And thanks. Again.  
EB: no problem! again!  
EB: now go away!  
\-- ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] \--  


**== > Rose: Proceed to have a wonderful and fantastic evening.**

You always have wonderful and fantastic evenings when you are with Jade, which at the moment means feeling nauseous and wondering when the closest object will catch on fire. 

As you are waiting in her living room -- staring down quite a few disquieting, large dolls that her grandfather keeps around -- you have plenty of time to contemplate spontaneous combustion. 

You only hope that it stays an idle possibility. 

**== > Narrative Focus: Switch to Jade.**

Well, that is a thing that can happen, but you've messed it up! You're not supposed to address the narrative focus, just the characters! 

**== > Rose: Be Jade.**

She can't be Jade right now. Jade isn't ready for the non-catastrophic date just yet. You'll have to come back at a different time. 

**== > Narrative Focus: Do that instead.**

What did I just say. 

**== > Narrative Focus: Stop being weird.**

Not going to happen. 

Let's flip this coin anyway. 

**== > Flip.**

**Author's Note:**

> 6/23/2013: This work is on a temporary hiatus as I sort out some more pressing issues. I would have just waited until I could post, but it's been upwards of two weeks, so I think it's officially a hiatus at this point.
> 
> Still going to be finished, though. Rose is counting on it. 
> 
> If you've any questions, feel free to direct them to my Tumblr account. A link is in my profile thing.


End file.
